Mysterious Pilgrim: Be Jane.

Your name is JANE SHEPARD. You hail from a TRILOGY OF TITLES known as the MASS EFFECT SAGA, of which you have had the fortune of being the sole protagonist of all three due to the importance of the CONTINUITY of your SAVED DATA to delivering the correct NARRATIVE EXPERIENCE. You are a COMMANDER in the ALLIANCE NAVY and an EXTRALEGAL OPERATIVE of the CITADEL COUNCIL’S SPECIAL TACTICS AND RECONNAISSANCE DIVISION. 

Which is to say, you never obeyed the COUNCIL’S orders, so they decided it was easier to say they gave you permission to ‘UPHOLD GALACTIC STABILITY AT ANY COST’ than to actually try to keep you from PUNCHING JOURNALISTS, COLLUDING WITH KNOWN TERRORISTS, AND ACCUSING RANDOM SOUVENIR DEALERS OF CLASSISM TO GUILT THEM INTO SELLING YOU THEIR TURIAN CRUISER MODEL FOR 416 CREDITS, INSTEAD OF THE USUAL 500.

But that-

That was all a long time ago. 

When you AWOKE in this new world FIVE YEARS AGO, it was as a RENEGADE without authority to defy or rules to break. Like any frontier, this XBOX was a lawless country, a society that threatened to collapse under the weight of its disparate interests and collective fears.

And for the first time in your life, you understood the gravity of what you had been called to do.

You UPHELD STABILITY. You FORGED PEACE, and then you PROTECTED IT. You became a PARAGON.

But it has been five years, and your arms are starting to get tired.

Speaking of which, you are on the JOB today. You are hunting down a SLEEPWALKER who has been making your life miserable ever since his arrival here three weeks ago. You’ve narrowed his location down to SKYRIM, but that is comparable to saying you know exactly which haystack you dropped your needle in.

For the fifth time today you curse the stars that witnessed the birth of TODD HOWARD and yet did nothing to stop him, for the only thing greater than his HUBRIS is the size of this FRIGID, OVERHYPED, CIRCLE OF PERSONAL HELL that he surely created only as the perfect arena in which to force his victims to play cat and mouse with AN INVISIBLE HACKER WITH A NATHAN FILLION COMPLEX for sport.

You are absolutely positive that is why Skyrim exists. There is no other reason.

This-

This was easier when there were four of you. 

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